- Man: Dev, can you keep a secret?
- Devin: Yeah, sure, what's up?
- Man: I'm a multiorgasmic man.
- Devin: [Does three backflips in succession from astonishment, after catching breath] Really?
- Man: Yeah.
- Devin: [Tip of his penis gets really red, but you can't see it because of his pants, but readers should keep this mind]
Movie Ideas #13
- Untitled Ice Road Truckers Kids Movie: Benny, on a disasterous trip to find Santa Clause, is saved by one magical ice road trucker trying to get his shipment of baby butt wipes to the Yukon.
- The Origin Of Stan: Following the work of his great great grandfather, Stan Darwin uses laborious genetics research to evolve himself a bigger penis.
- No Regrets: When his father becomes sick, a young man has to choose between running the family’s movie studio or following his dream of becoming a fry cook.
Movie Ideas #12
- Buzzkill: A guy named Buzz kills people, insects, and various wildlife.
- The Long Weave: A disillusioned rug salesman wonders if there's more to life than boring, old rugs. He is depressed. That is, until he discovers the existence of Persian rugs.
- Charles: A biopic about Charles Darwin and his quest to evolutionize himself a larger wang.
Whoever wrote this really has an axe to grind. They carved their message onto the desk but the blade was so dull that I can’t read shit.
Movie Ideas #11
- Fouling Out: An estranged father tries to reconnect with his troublemaker son by using basketball to teach life lessons, like avoiding gang life through a solid mid-range game and how to tell a girl you like her by unleashing a sick crossover.
- Big Girl: This is about a girl with a thyroid disorder and, boy, is she big!
- The Secret World Of Tyler Benton: Every evening, 9-year-old orphan Tyler Benton escapes into the world of internet porn.
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Also for sale, baby carcass.
Movie Ideas #10
- The Crab Caretaker: Goodlooking volunteer firefighter Matt Richards can’t seem to land a girlfriend after he reveals to them he has crabs--in a fish tank! He also has untreatable genital warts.
- Spilled Milk: Famous celebrities detail their favorite milk spilling techniques. The world’s professional milk spillers discuss how they learned the craft of knocking over glasses, pitchers, and other containers filled with delicious cow nectar.
- Noah Sparber: This guy goes to my school. Follow him with a camera. Bet he does sneaky shit at night.
I want my children to grow on a planet without war, a planet without prejudice, a planet called Zorp. Excerpt from Jack Welch’s autobiography
Movie Ideas #9
- Love Is A Four Letter Word: A no-nonsense teacher encourages her students in learning how to count.
- The Mysterious Life Of Max Harris: Family members and coworkers of Max Harris are unaware that he is an accomplished Magic The Gathering player.
- Annie Hall 2: The same thing as Annie Hall except Woody Allen’s character is now a neurotic muscular retard.
I can’t imagine a world without war because I got into a car accident and the part of my brain that imagines stuff got smooshed. Excerpt from Jack Welch’s autobiography
Movie Ideas #8
- Childhood Cherry: On the verge of death, a man remembers his life and how it was influenced heavily by this one cancer-inducing cherry that he ate off the ground without even washing it.
- Suitcase Full Of Lies: A no-nonsense businessman carries a briefcase for work, yes, but carries a second secret briefcase full of index cards with straight-up wrong facts.
- The Green Freak: A nerd gets a handjob from a prostitute that’s wearing Hulk Hands.
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